For those of you who watched the programme Countryfile Winter Diaries shown on BBC1 on Monday February 5th, you will be familiar with Robobird and with its connection to our Membership Officer, Bro. Ian Rogers. Ian works as part of a team that have developed Robobird and are marketing it throughout Europe. Basically, Robobird is a Drone created to resemble a Perigrine Falcon. Its intended function is to reduce the concentration of geese, gulls and other birds over croplands, dumping grounds and airports.
Birds are a major hazard at airports especially to aircraft during take off. A large flock of birds colliding with a plane can cause serious damage and even bring it down with disasterous consequences. The concept behind Robobird is that birds identify it as a predator, which a Perigrine Falcon is to many species of birds, and they fly away out of the path of the plane.
There is one other interesting fact which you won't have gathered from the TV programme or from anywhere else for that matter. Bro. Ian is not an Earthling! That's right! He is an Alien from a planet on the very edge of the Universe called Tippatruk discovered in the 18th Century by an Irish astronomer named Martin O'Moony.
In 1923 Tippatruk exploded just as it was being swallowed by a black hole. There was only one survivor from the explosion a male child who fell to Earth landing in a field near Gallway Bay. The child was discovered by a local couple, farmers Gerry and Ira Rogers, who were astonished to find this semi-conscious naked male child. Undaunted, they took the boy home and to cut a very long story short, they adopted him and named him Roy after Ira's builder brother. Roy was later changed to Ian when Uncle Roy fell into disrepute over shoddy building work.
Ian was brought up as any normal Earthling child except, of course, he wasn't! As a Tippatrukian he had powers that no Earthing posessed. He was incredibly strong, he could fly, he had xray vision and he could change his personna in a split second. By the time Ian had reached his late teens his adopted parents realised he was different to other young men. This realisation may have come from watching him carry four sheep at a time around the farm. Two under each arm! Or maybe it was because he was able to run an errand to the shops and return within seconds! Or it could even have been that he knew exactly what was in the fridge without opening the door and he was a 'wow' at fancy dress parties!
Eventually, Gerry and Ira decided that rural life was not suitable for young Ian so they packed him off to England where he started his career as a Clerk in Kent working for an electronic components company. A few years later war broke out and Ian was drafted into the Airforce. By a stroke of luck, he was posted to Bletchley Park where he broke many computers! Before long, the abilites previously mentioned were discovered and kept as a closely guarded secret. Ian was used on many war time campaigns and raids into enemy territory and because of his speed and stealth, he was given the code name of Catman. It is into this personna that Ian transforms when Superhuman feats are required!
But what about his age you will ask, Ian was a child in 1923! Well, Tippatrukians have the ability to adjust their age to suit their environment. Ian could be 17 years old one day and 70 years old the next if he so wished. This is why today, Ian appears as a normal person of a certain generation and doesn't stand out as being unusual. That is, of course, until he transforms into Catman and tackles another Superhuman challenge just like the one below!
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| An aircraft taking off from Southampton Airport carrying a large group of Catenian Brothers and Ladies heading for a retreat in Catalonia |
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| After barely 30 seconds into take off, the pilot sees ahead a flock of the dreaded Banditbirds! |
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| A dreaded Banditbird! |
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| Millions of them! |
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| This is Major Tom to Ground control Mayday! Mayday! |
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| Hello Major Tom this is Ground Control. What's the problem? |
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| Banditbirds coming straight at us! |
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| The Banditbirds attack the port engine! |
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| Oh No! This is so awful |
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| Don't worry Major Tom, I'm on the phone to Catman. He will save the day! |
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| Hello...Yes? |
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| Catman! We have an emergency! We need you and Robobird like NOW! PRONTO! |
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| Caramba! This sounds really serious! |
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| I'd better get Robobird up and flying pretty damn quick! |
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| Robobird being brought to robotic life! |
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| May the Force be with you....... |
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| ....just get those bloody birds! |
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| This had better not be a wild goose chase! |
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| Meanwhile, Bro. Ian transforms into the extraterrestrial being, CATMAN! |
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| Back on the plane, the passengers are getting slightly agitated |
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| They start rushing towards the back of the plane! |
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| Robobird has spotted the Banditbirds! |
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| Banditbirds at 10 o'clock high. Attacking! Roger and out! |
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| Get lost you Banditbirds! |
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| Eeeeek! It's Robobird! Let's get outta here! |
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| You bet! |
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| As if by magic, the skies are cleared! |
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| Meanwhile, in a blur, Catman reaches the stricken aircraft |
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| Blimey! This ain't 'alf 'eavy! |
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| Our Hero guides the plane back to the airfield.... |
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| ...where it safely lands! |
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| We have been saved! |
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| Hurrah! |
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| Well done Catman and Robobird! |
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| I never thought we'd get out alive! It's all thanks to Catman and Robobird |
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| Thank you Catman and Robobird for saving our lives! |
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| In a millisecond, Catman has reverted to his Earthling guise and collects Robobird as he lands |
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| Well done Robobird, another successful mission! |
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| Ok, Ok just don't ruffle my feathers! |
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| Hey Robin, who are these guys anyway? |
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| They are Catman and Robobird, Batman |
The events depicted in this blog are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead or any offence caused to any such person is completely intentional.
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